Everybody's got a big red button.

I had a nightmare that I was flying on the Enola Gay, the B-29 bomber that dropped the atomic bomb over Hiroshima. I could feel the plane humming loudly around me and the knowledge that "Little Boy" was ready to be dropped underneath me made my heart seize in panic. Crew men moved around me like I was invisible and I could feel myself screaming at them to stop. Stop. Please, Stop. STOP!

No one even flinched. And suddenly, the bottom of the plane drops out and the air craft feels sickeningly lighter. And we just keep humming along. And in New York and Washington there are people cheering in the streets, "The War is Over," and Harry Truman cuts a celebratory cake in the shape of a mushroom cloud. Smiling, smiling. Smiling over the United States and "our greatest scientific accomplishment."

I woke up from that nap this afternoon only half rested. Earlier this morning in my Peace and Justice class, we watched a film inspired by Thomas Merton's poem entitled The Original Child. We were only shown about 45 minutes of it, but I'm still reeling. I'm heart broken and angry and afraid and angry again all at once. I feel almost traumatized. The film was incredibly intense and graphic and I understand the reasons why it wasn't shown in high school or even freshmen year in college. I sat in a dark room full of students watching this and was having a hard time trying to keep myself together.

Accounts of those who witnessed the chaos were enough to rip my heart out. "Both side of the street were on fire. A little girl was crying in the street, her leg trapped underneath a fallen tree. "I'm burning, I'm burning!" she was screaming. But no one could help her, everyone was running away. I looked to see a woman beside her saying, 'forgive me, forgive me...' as she turned her back on the girl and ran."

That was just one of thousands of stories. Some of which I heard today. Stories I don't think I will ever forget.

Five minutes before the end of class, the lights come up and Professor Bochen says, "So...reactions?"

Reactions? Reactions? Disgust. Pure disgust. Shame. Anger. Shock. Sorrow. Gut wrenching, mother fucking sorrow. And then, even more anger. Everybody knew the stories. We've all taken history class, we've all seen a few pictures. Those events, those atomic bombs are history right?

Wrong. Nuclear warfare is a reality. Its not just history, and its not just a possible future threat. We are not living in some kind of delusional, safe gap in between the past and the future. It is now. It is here. And this generation cannot ignore it. Because it seems to me, that everybody in the world has a big red nuclear button waiting to be pushed. It didn't just end after Nagasaki. There have been over 1024 nuclear tests within the United States. Some have even gone undocumented due to the loss of US military men exposed to the blasts.

Read a school history textbook and you will read a series of deceptions. United States government....Masters of disguise.

I walked back to my room from class, unable to really feel anything but depression and anger. The sound of a plane flying above had an eerie familiarity with the sound of a falling missile. And for a moment I was paranoid. What if this was it? What if this moment is all that is left? We breath, we live, and then suddenly we are dust. What's stopping them? Whoever THEY may be.

Like I said...everybody's got a big red button.

War is senseless. Media is manipulation. Love is the only truth.

Seek Truth. Know your Rights. Demand Peace.

Because Yes, this concerns you. Yes, this is our world. and Yes, it matters.