*I know everyone had probably heard this quote before, "Not all those who wander are lost." Well I'm finding it to be especially true recently. I feel like SO much is going on around me. I feel like I'm working so hard and not always seeing the results I want. I'm doing really well in school, but that fact is...I'm stuck in the grunt work phase. Fundamentals are being drilled into my head when all I really want to do is start my concentration studies. I'm having trouble being patient. Its a constant struggle, but the fight I actually look forward too. So even though I may feel like I'm wandering around trying to get my bearings and keep my head together, I know I'm meant to be here. I know that this is where I belong and that there are bigger plans for me. I just have to stay focused and I have to take one thing at a time. Its hard. I guess this is when you know you're a grown up.
*I miss my family a lot. Its strange. Its not severe homesickness, its just a need to know that someone is still rooting for you when you come home after working crazy hours in a studio, then going to two part time jobs, then doing homework and realizing you forgot to eat again. Its finally being able to sit down and then realize all you really want is your mom to hug you and take care of you like you were a ten year old again.
*I have been having the strangest dreams lately. I mean really really bizarre. I can't remember half of them but I always wake up freaked out and a little disturbed. They are borderline nightmares but not to the extent where I wake up crying. I just wake up and find myself very glad to be conscious. Weird.
*I think I'm doomed when it comes to boys. I just don't get it anymore. The ex is confusing as hell and pissing me off to no end. He wrote me a poem. And it was fucking beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. But why does he insist on doing this? Yanking me around like this. Is he BORED? Is he horny? What? I don't get it. And frankly, I'm sick of being played with. As sweet as that poem was, this boy had been and probably always will be...all talk and no action. He could say he loves me and then not talk to me for two weeks. Because thats what he does. What he always did. He could spout sonnets all day long, but in the end, he is just a lazy ass, lousy excuse for a boyfriend. He could write a long term relationship, but he couldn't bother putting in ANY effort to actually having one. I'm not going back to that. I'm not. It doesn't help though, that there are NO guys around here. But I'd rather be alone than be in a one sided relationship.
*I love my yoga class. Even though its late at night and its the tail end of my busiest day AND I complain that I dont want to go....as soon as we start, I feel so much better. My body feels AMAZING afterwards. Like every muscle has just been to a day spa. I usually have a lot of back issues from working at the studio and by the time I finish the hour and a half of yoga...I'm golden again. Fixed. Its magical.
*Valentines day is coming up. Hate it. And NOT because I'm single. I hated it when I was dating too. Too much pink. Too much fluff. Too much ridiculous commercialism. Not enough booze. My room mate and I are fixing that problem Feb 14th. Parrtaaayyyy.
*I've been listening to Billie Holiday, Louis Armstrong, Lena Horne, Ella Fitzgerald...you name it...over and over again. I love the sound of old jazz classics like that. It makes me happy. It makes me feel love.
*I tried someone's home made plum moonshine. And it tastes awful. Never, ever again.
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