diplomacy

So yesterday I had that meeting with that professor I was telling you about to challenge my grade.  I left that meeting feeling more confident and grown up than I ever have.  Before this meeting, it took everything in me to write a diplomatic, respectful email to this particular teacher - who has dubbed himself king of all ass-holes in my life thus far.  When I found out that our presentation received the lowest grade in the class after being on of the best ones given over all...I was livid.  Our presentation really was one of the top presentations, hands down.  So when I found out we had the lowest grade I was ready to blow.  I looked down at my new tattoo, trying to remember that peace and love should come first when really...all I wanted to do was verbally abuse this man until he cried.

So I took a deep breath and wrote an extremely well written, respectful email addressing my concerns.  I was so happy just to be standing up for myself that all of my nerves disappeared when we walked into his office yesterday for the meeting.  I got the grade bumped up to a decent grade and I was happy.  Happy because the meeting went so well, everyone left in a good mood, no one was offended, everyone was satisfied.  And I realized just how far a little diplomacy can go.  Its all about taking that deep breath and choosing.  Choosing to do the right thing, the peaceful thing.  I tried to imagine all the things that I could make so much better in my life if I just took that deep breath more often and thought first before speaking in retaliation.  I'm not a pro at it, but I want to try to be better at it.  If everyone could take that second to just think first and choose the peaceful way out of a conflict...imagine what could be.

I realize that my blog portrays me as a bit of an idealist.  And people may not always like that about me.  But I have come to the point where I just don't care what they think anymore.  Because even if all this peace and diplomacy talk seems to be unrealistic to others...to me, just visualizing it, and trying my best to be that person who chooses peace, diplomacy and love first is taking baby steps in the right direction.  And I'm ok with that.  Sure I may be an idealist, but I'm educated, I'm aware, and at least I'm trying.  Even if I'm only one person, I'm trying.  

Finals are almost done.  My biggest projects are all turned in.  I looked back at my portfolio and had a moment.  I have come so far in just one semester.  There is always that point when you wonder ...did I do enough?  Am I enough?  My goal was to manage this semester and I did.  No matter what I am proud of that and how far I have come as an individual.  For me, it was enough.  I think I need to teach myself to stop trying to please people sometimes.  I realized as I turned in all my work, that I havent picked up a pencil for myself in months.  So I am SO ready for break.  To draw, to sleep, to read book after book....I'm so ready.  And I deserve it.

Well, I'm off to take an Italian exam.  Cross your fingers.  <3