Blank Days and Hot Chaos.

I have this idea that everyone in the world is entitled to a Blank Day. It's a day that involves absolutely no plans, no work, no worry, no loneliness. There is nothing to dwell on and nothing to fear. There is only the day itself to do with whatever you please. Whatever makes your heart feel closer to your roots. Your home. A day of deserved rest. A day to simply exist.

Maybe you get one once a week, a month...six months. But everyone should get one. Everyone needs one. And it should happen more than once in a year. Its like a day to press your restart button.

I'm saving up for mine. I'm still in the midst of midterms at this point, but two giant assignments were finished last night and I was in bed by two am. That is a victory. I'm hoping that my Blank Day will be well deserved, whenever I get to take it. There is still lots to do. But life is good. The chaos and the calm. There cannot be one without the other.

I've felt kind of bad lately. Every time I have called home this past week, I've either been complaining or in tears about stress. I always feel guilty, like I'm dumping on my Mom or Dad. I don't mean to. I had the most beautiful night out with my aunts last week and while I was with them it was like I couldn't shut up and I was constantly apologizing. But they just let me talk...which felt so...needed. So necessary. Just like a Blank Day. Sometimes its hard for me to really let go even when I'm around my closest friends. I like to listen to people talk. So when I was sitting there just letting myself download to someone, it felt so good and so safe. And it has always been that way with anyone in my family.

Jesus, I'm a lucky girl.

And the last time I called my Mom in tears, she left me the most perfect voicemail afterward, leaving it for me after I left for work. It had been possibly the shittiest day all semester and I just felt like everything was an absolute mess. She said the most perfect words I didn't even know I needed to hear.

"...you are a shooting star. And if we can remember what stars are made of, its hot chaos. Stars don't shine by sitting quietly in the dark. They are burning activity. So even if it doesn't feel like you are shining right now, you are."

Isn't she beautiful?

So I guess the love I have to pass on today, is just to keep shining.